Enemies to lovers is the ultimate “I hate that I love you” romance trope—and when done right in fantasy romance, it’s absolutely explosive.

But here’s where most writers stumble: they create characters who are barely enemies, make them fall in love too quickly, or lose all the delicious tension once they’re together.

Real enemies to lovers romance requires legitimate opposition, gradual transformation, and maintaining that competitive spark even after they fall in love.

After writing enemies to lovers in my own fantasy romance, I learned that the key isn’t the hate—it’s the respect underneath it. Here’s how to write enemies to lovers that readers will believe and devour.

What Makes Enemies to Lovers Work

Enemies to lovers is powerful because it requires massive character growth. Your characters must overcome their own beliefs, biases, and loyalties to choose each other.

Why readers love enemies to lovers:

Built-in conflict: The relationship itself is the obstacle High stakes: Choosing each other means betraying something else Passionate emotions: Hate and love are both intense feelings Satisfying transformation: Watching enemies become allies, then lovers Competitive chemistry: The banter, the challenges, the fire Forbidden element: Often they’re not supposed to be together

The best part? The intensity of their opposition becomes the intensity of their connection.

The Cardinal Rule: Make Them ACTUAL Enemies

The biggest mistake in enemies to lovers romance? Making characters who aren’t really enemies at all.

What doesn’t count as enemies:

• Simple misunderstandings that could be cleared up with one conversation
• Mild annoyance or irritation
• Competition that’s not personal
• Thinking someone is arrogant (without deeper conflict)
• Being on opposite sides but having no personal stake

What DOES count as enemies:

• Genuinely opposing goals or loyalties
• Personal betrayal or harm done
• Representing ideologies they fundamentally oppose
• Fighting on opposite sides of a war/conflict
• Family/faction/species that are enemies
• One wronged the other in a meaningful way

Your characters need legitimate reasons to hate each other. Not “he was rude to me once” but “his people killed my family” or “she represents everything I’m fighting against.”

In A Fog of Shadows, Kateri is a Siren and Magnus is a Ren. Their species were enemies in a war. Sirens believe Rens became feral killers. Rens think Sirens are dead. There’s centuries of conflict, fear, and separation. That’s real opposition.

Creating Legitimate Opposition

Your enemies need genuine conflicts that create real obstacles to being together.

Types of legitimate opposition:

Ideological Opposition

They believe fundamentally different things about how the world should work. One fights for freedom, one for order. One wants change, one wants tradition.

Loyalty Opposition

They’re loyal to opposing sides—kingdoms, factions, species, families. Choosing each other means betraying those loyalties.

Personal History

One wronged the other or someone they love. There’s real harm done, not just personality clash.

Resource Competition

They’re competing for something that only one can have—territory, magical power, a throne, survival.

Moral Opposition

One is willing to do things the other finds morally wrong. The conflict is about values, not just goals.

The key: Whatever creates the opposition must feel like it SHOULD keep them apart. Readers need to think, “How could these two possibly end up together?”

That’s when the journey becomes satisfying.

Respect Underneath the Hate

Here’s the secret to great enemies to lovers: underneath the opposition, there’s respect.

They might hate what the other represents. They might oppose each other viciously. But deep down, they recognize strength, skill, intelligence, or conviction in their enemy.

Signs of underlying respect:

• Thinking about the enemy when they’re not around
• Noticing details about them
• Reluctant admiration for their abilities
• Fair fighting (certain lines they won’t cross)
• Protecting them when others would harm them
• Being honest with them when they lie to everyone else

This respect is the foundation for everything that comes later. You can’t build love on nothing.

Example:

She hated him. Hated his arrogance, his certainty, the way he looked at her like she was the enemy—which she was. But she couldn’t deny he fought with honor. When his teammate had tried to cheat during the trial, he’d shut it down. Even though it would have benefited his side.

Why did he have to make it so complicated?

See that? She hates him, but she respects his honor. That’s your foundation.

The Slow Burn Transformation

Enemies to lovers cannot be rushed. The transformation from hate to love must be gradual and earned.

The enemies to lovers journey:

Stage 1: Active Opposition

They’re enemies. They oppose each other. They fight, argue, undermine each other. The hatred is real.

Stage 2: Forced Proximity

Something forces them to work together, interact regularly, or depend on each other. Proximity breeds familiarity.

Stage 3: Reluctant Understanding

They start to see the other’s perspective. Not agreeing, just understanding why the other believes what they do.

Stage 4: Unexpected Common Ground

They discover shared goals, values, or experiences. Things they have in common despite their opposition.

Stage 5: Shifting Perception

What they thought about the other starts changing. Maybe the enemy isn’t as evil as they believed. Maybe the opposition is more complicated.

Stage 6: Conflicted Feelings

They still oppose each other on principle, but feelings are developing. This is where the real conflict happens—heart vs. head.

Stage 7: Alliance

They become allies first, before lovers. Working together toward a shared goal while personal feelings develop.

Stage 8: Crossing the Line

The moment when they act on feelings despite knowing they shouldn’t. The first kiss, the confession, the choice.

Stage 9: The Fallout

Choosing each other has consequences. Dealing with betrayal (from their side), doubt, fear of vulnerability.

Stage 10: Commitment

Choosing each other fully, accepting the consequences, becoming a united front.

This journey should take most of your book. Don’t rush stages or skip important steps.

Forced Proximity: The Essential Ingredient

Enemies to lovers almost always requires forced proximity. Your characters need extended interaction where they can’t just avoid each other.

Forced proximity scenarios for fantasy romance:

Shared Quest or Mission They’re forced to work together toward a common goal. Survival depends on cooperation.

Magical Bond A spell, curse, or magical connection forces them to stay close. They literally can’t escape each other.

Political Alliance Arranged marriage, peace treaty, or alliance requires them to interact.

Imprisonment or Captivity Captured together, trapped in a location, isolated from others.

Undercover Operation Pretending to be allies/lovers for a mission. The fake eventually becomes real.

Training or Competition Forced to train together, compete in trials, participate in games.

Survival Situation Lost in wilderness, fighting common enemy, depending on each other to live.

The forced proximity can’t be optional. Make it so they HAVE to interact, learn about each other, and work together despite wanting to maintain distance.

The Power of Banter and Competition

Enemies to lovers thrives on sharp dialogue and competitive energy.

Writing enemies to lovers banter:

Make It Intelligent

They’re not just insulting each other—they’re witty, clever, strategic with words.

Show Respect Through Challenge

The best banter shows they consider each other worthy opponents.

Use Subtext

What they’re really arguing about isn’t always what they’re saying.

Balance Hurt and Humor

It can be playful or cutting, but know the difference.

Create Escalation

Each exchange should up the ante slightly.

Example of good banter:

“You fight dirty,” she accused.

“I fight to win. There’s a difference.”

“Is there? Because from where I’m standing, you look like a cheater.”

He stepped closer. “If I were cheating, you’d already be dead. What you’re calling dirty, I call strategy. Maybe if you spent less time judging my methods and more time improving your own, you wouldn’t keep losing.”

Her eyes flashed. “I’m not losing.”

“No?” He gestured to her position, backed against the wall. “Could’ve fooled me.”

She smiled, slow and dangerous. “You assume I didn’t want to be here.”

His confidence faltered just slightly—and she moved.

That’s enemies to lovers banter. Competitive, charged, neither one backing down.

The “Oh No” Moment

There needs to be a moment when your character realizes they have feelings for their enemy—and they’re horrified.

The “Oh No” realization:

This is when your POV character:

• Notices something attractive about the enemy
• Feels jealous when others show interest
• Worries about the enemy’s safety
• Thinks about them when they shouldn’t
• Realizes they’re looking forward to seeing them
• Catches themselves defending the enemy to others

The reaction should be:

“No. Not them. Anyone but them.”

Internal panic, denial, trying to logic away the feelings. This is a disaster for your character because falling for the enemy means betraying everything they stand for.

Example:

She watched him spar with his brother, the easy way he laughed when he lost. She’d never heard him laugh like that. Open, genuine, without the sharp edge he always had around her.

Something twisted in her chest.

Oh no.

No, no, no. She wasn’t doing this. She wasn’t catching feelings for Magnus of all people. He was a Ren. The enemy. The very thing her mother warned her about her entire life.

Except… when had she started thinking of him as Magnus instead of “the Ren”?

This was bad.

Your character should fight the feelings hard before eventually surrendering to them.

Using Conflict to Build Chemistry

Every argument, every fight, every moment of opposition should somehow build chemistry.

How conflict creates chemistry:

Physical Proximity During Conflict

Fighting puts them close together. Training means touching. Arguments happen in personal space.

Passion Transfers

The intensity of their anger translates to intensity of attraction.

Seeing Each Other Truly

In conflict, masks drop. They see who the other really is.

Worthy Opponent Appeal

Someone who challenges you is exciting. Easy is boring.

Trust Built Through Conflict

When they fight fair, protect each other, or show honor even in opposition—that builds trust.

Show them:

• Fighting back-to-back against a common enemy
• Arguing passionately about something they care about
• Competing physically (training, sparring, challenges)
• Saving each other even when they’re still enemies
• Being vulnerable only with each other

Every conflict scene should somehow deepen their connection, even while highlighting their opposition.

The Betrayal Element

Often in enemies to lovers, one character betrays their side by choosing the enemy. This creates powerful internal conflict.

Types of betrayal:

Betraying Loyalty Choosing the enemy over family, faction, or species.

Betraying Beliefs Admitting maybe the other side had a point. Changing fundamental beliefs.

Betraying Mission Letting the enemy escape, protecting them, sabotaging their own side.

Betraying Trust Others trusted them to stay loyal, and they’re falling for the enemy.

This betrayal should cost something. Consequences should be real. This isn’t a small choice—it’s a massive one that changes everything.

In my series, Kateri choosing to trust Magnus means potentially betraying her sisters and every Siren who trusted her to stay away from Rens. That’s not a light choice.

Common Enemies to Lovers Mistakes

Mistake #1: They’re Not Really Enemies

They’re mildly annoyed with each other. That’s not enemies to lovers—that’s mild irritation to lovers.

Fix: Create genuine opposition with real stakes.

Mistake #2: Instant Attraction Negates Enmity

They’re enemies but immediately physically attracted, so the enmity feels fake.

Fix: Attraction can exist, but it should complicate the enmity, not erase it.

Mistake #3: One Villain, One Hero

Making one character clearly wrong and the other clearly right.

Fix: Both sides should have legitimate points. Gray vs. gray, not black vs. white.

Mistake #4: Transformation Too Fast

They go from hating each other to in love in three chapters.

Fix: Take your time. Show every stage of the transformation.

Mistake #5: Losing the Edge After They Get Together

Once they’re a couple, they become bland and agreeable.

Fix: Keep the competitive spark. They should still challenge each other.

Mistake #6: No Consequences for Choosing Each Other

They betray their sides and nobody cares.

Fix: Make choosing each other cost something real.

Keeping the Spark After They’re Together

The best enemies to lovers couples never completely lose their competitive edge.

How to maintain the dynamic:

Playful Arguments They still debate, challenge, compete—but now it’s playful instead of hostile.

Mutual Respect They continue to see each other as equals and worthy opponents.

Different Perspectives They don’t suddenly agree on everything. Different viewpoints create interesting discussions.

Competitive Activities Training together, games, challenges. They push each other to be better.

Passionate Everything The passion that fueled their enmity now fuels their love. Everything is intense.

Example:

“You’re doing it wrong,” she said.

He didn’t look up from the spell he was crafting. “I’ve been doing this for thirty years.”

“Incorrectly, apparently.”

Now he looked up, eyebrow raised. “Is that so?”

“That’s so.” She moved behind him, adjusted his hand position. “There. Now try.”

The spell flared brighter. He stared at it, then at her. “You’re insufferable.”

“You’re welcome.” She kissed his cheek.

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

“No,” he agreed, pulling her into his lap. “I really don’t.”

See? Still challenging each other, still that edge, but now it’s loving.

Enemies to Lovers + Other Tropes

Enemies to lovers works beautifully with other tropes:

Enemies to Lovers + Forced Proximity Classic combination. They’re forced to work together while hating each other.

Enemies to Lovers + Fated Mates Destiny says they’re mates. Everything else says they’re enemies. Delicious conflict.

Enemies to Lovers + Forbidden Love Their species/factions/families forbid the relationship. They’re already enemies AND being together is forbidden.

Enemies to Lovers + Fake Dating Pretending to be lovers while secretly hating each other. The lines blur fast.

Enemies to Lovers + Only One Bed Forced proximity cranked to maximum. Sharing space with someone you hate (but want).

I use enemies to lovers + fated mates + forbidden love in my series. Triple the conflict, triple the tension.

Making the Romance Earned

By the time your enemies become lovers, readers should feel like it’s been earned.

How to earn the romance:

✅ Show gradual transformation through multiple stages
✅ Give legitimate reasons for the shift (understanding, common ground, respect)
✅ Make them allies before lovers
✅ Show vulnerability that couldn’t exist at the beginning
✅ Demonstrate trust building over time
✅ Create moments that reveal character, not just attraction
✅ Make choosing each other cost something
✅ Show why they’re better together than apart

The romance should feel inevitable in hindsight, but not predictable while reading.

Readers should think: “Of course they ended up together—how could they not?”

The Emotional Payoff

When enemies to lovers is done right, the emotional payoff is massive.

What readers need to feel:

Satisfaction: The journey was worth it Belief: This couple makes sense despite everything Relief: They finally admitted their feelings Excitement: Their passion is electric Security: They chose each other despite the cost Joy: Love conquered opposition

Your final chapters should deliver on the promise of the entire journey.

Show them:

• United against outside opposition
• Still challenging each other (lovingly)
• Stronger together than apart
• Dealing with consequences but not regretting the choice
• Building something new together

The enemy became the ally became the lover became the partner.

That transformation is what readers come for.